And the only way out is through. So feel the fear. And the pain. Let it all in and then let it all go.
I may work in cube land, but I try & keep it fun (with dancing cookies). Thankfully my coworkers humor me!
Yesterday, I was talking with coworkers about Paul Walker and how strange it has been how many people from my Facebook and Twitter have reacted. Then I started to think about why I was sad about his sudden passing and realized: I grew up with Paul Walker.
I was (am) a huge fan of the 90’s teen movies and Paul Walker was at the center of two pivotal movies: Varsity Blues and She’s All That. VB was one MTV’s first forays into films and it did NOT disappoint with an all-star (read: James Van Der Beek) cast. I’ve always been a sucker for an athlete and PW as the gorgeous, blonde haired, blue eyed All-American quarterback did not let me down.
Quick on the heels of Varsity Blues, She’s All That was released and I TOTALLY lived (live) vicariously through Laney Boggs’s triumph and tragedy when she finds out the gorgeous, blonde haired, blue eyed All-American quarterback (wait a second…) had used her as a “bet, a fucking bet!” And the choreographed dance? I mean, how could you NOT love the movie? And Sixpence None the Richer crooning “Kiss Me” while Laney and Zack dance by the pool with the twinkle lights behind them? Kieran Culkin as the quirky brother? ALL GOLD.
Anyway, ole Paul shot to fame with the Fast and Furious movie, which was fun. And again, he was just so dreamy, and blonde haired, and blue eyed. He drove fast! And worked undercover! And carried a gun! And fell in love with the wrong girl! MAGICAL.
After the first two F&F movies, Paul and I kind of drifted apart. I always thought of him fondly, but never partook in any of his recent movies. When he passed away suddenly during the Thanksgiving weekend my late 90’s loving heart was broken. It’s always sad when someone young passes away, especially when it’s unexpected. It seemed odd that so many people reacted as strongly as they did, but I get it… A lot of us grew up with him and it’s hard to say goodbye to a friend.
Because I’m one to dwell in the past, on the bulletin board in my bedroom at my parents’ house next to corsages from high school dances, pictures of friends from high school, I had a picture of Paul Walker that was undoubtedly ripped from a Teen Beat, Bop, or Seventeen magazine.
I’ll miss you Paul and your beautiful blonde hair and blue eyes. Rest peacefully.
Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life - well, valuable, but small - and sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven’t been brave?
So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn’t it be the other way around?
I don’t really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So good night, dear void.
Fear, like love, is difficult to explain after it has subsided, probably because it draws away the veils of illusion as it disappears.